What To Talk About in Therapy
Going to therapy can be a daunting process for a great number of us. “What do I even say?” “Will they judge me?” These are just some of the phrases even my friends share with me when thinking about what to say to their therapists. If friends of a therapist still find it difficult to figure out what to talk about in their therapy, I am sure some of you might as well. For all of you who are thinking about starting therapy for yourself, this is the sign you were looking for. Let’s get into some things you can talk about in therapy, what might make talking hard in therapy, and how you can expect the therapist to act when you go to your first session soon!
Where to start: your first therapy sessions
Your first therapy session is going to be different than the others (usually). That is because the first therapy session is all about creating a very specific plan for you. The things the therapist will ask you will center much more on trying to establish a baseline for your emotional challenges. With that being said, it may feel a lot more like a doctors visit than what you thought a therapy session might feel like. Then again, there are therapists like myself who like to jump right into the work, so, be sure you are doing your due diligence when search for your own personal therapist. After the initial Q and A style of the first session, things will start to open up to you. The therapist is no longer brand new to you, you know how to get to their office (with GPS maybe if you’re anything like me), you have made it past session one, and now you’re ready to get rolling with what you more than likely thought therapy was going to be like in the first place; the place to process your emotions.
While you’re still in the beginning stages of your therapy journey, you will be getting a feel for what your therapist is like, and the same is happening in reverse. These sessions are all about trying to drive home the fact that the therapeutic space you have chosen to enter, is one where you own the time, you own the direction you want that therapy to go, and you own the amount you are willing to share. There is no off limits to what you can or cannot share in a therapy session. Feel free to let your mind, body, emotions, etc. go anywhere they feel like they need to go. Ask any questions that come to you, allow yourself the permission to get your needs met. After all, that is what you entered into that space to do you know.
Once the initial nerves of the first couple sessions have come and gone, and you feel ready to adventure into your emotional self, here are some common things you might be interested in talking to your therapist about:
The suspected diagnosis you have been struggling with.
The largest emotional challenges in your way on a day to day basis.
The needs and wants that you feel like are not being satisfied right now.
What you can do to better improve an emotional area in your life.
How to have a better internal dialogue.
How to start a self-care routine.
There is an endless amount of material to touch on in therapy. The therapist’s job is to help you determine what is most important for you to work through first. If you are willing to put in the time and energy, you can continue moving through whatever you need to, speaking about whatever you need to.
Challenges to opening up in therapy
I get it, we do NOT want others to hear the kind of things that are rattling around in our heads sometimes. I understand that more than most, as I had to go through my own therapeutic journey to be able to talk about it here and now with you. That being said, if all that material stays pent up within your brain and body, it will eventually find a way to come out, and by that point it may not be in a way you want.
I tell clients all the time that some of our emotions want to be left alone, kept inside and kept in the dark. There are some emotions that want those conditions to remain, so that they hurtful messaging they are delivering to you remains. We have to get our emotions out in the open; we have to allow ourselves to get our emotional needs met and cared for, just like anyone else does. Shame is usually at play when you feel like your words don’t want to come out during therapy. If you say too much, or you look a certain way… you’ll be judged for it, so you better stay silent! Shame speaks to my clients like that every day, every week, in every month, in every year. Our jobs is to recognize that impulse to hide things away, and to do the opposite. Allow every part of you to feel seen. Allow that perceived shame trickle out of you and into a place where it no longer has the power to grab hold of your voice.
What you can expect from your therapist
Think of them less as a person who is going to tell you what to do and solve your problems for you, and more of a gentle guide that is shifting your thinking into different directions. Someone who is there to point out inconsistencies with how you are living in comparison to how you describe you want to be living. A therapist’s whole job is to provide you a safe, non-judgemental space for you to work through your life’s struggles. We are there to help you chart out your inner mappings, and journey towards a state of being that you want to be in. We are there to help re-contextualize experiences, interactions, relationships, ideas, etc. You can expect your therapist to ask a lot of open ended questions, to point out the environment around you, to assist you with becoming more in tune with your inner self. They are there to help you.
We don’t bite, trust me, we would go to jail if we did, probably.
