The Power of Therapy
I would invite you to reread the title of this post with an open curiosity about the words “therapy” and “right.” When I used to read similar blogs before embarking on my work and healing, I would turn away with a very quick, “nope.” It was not until later on in my life that I realized that what I was saying nope to all along was myself. Instead, I fueled the internal narrative that I was weak or not smart enough to figure it out on my own if I went to therapy.
Let’s jump into the first word: Therapy.
Therapy has been defined differently depending on the clinician or the “expert” you ask. That could be the therapist you are actively looking at seeing or maybe have already booked a session with. The expert could be your friend who has been preaching therapy ever since they went, so you look too. Maybe it’s family, and oh boy, do families have their opinions regarding you and your mental health. What I would invite you to do is define this for yourself. Be intentional about the type of therapy you want. Do you need to work with trauma? Do you want someone to hold space with you safely? Both are valid, and in the world of therapists, I would hope you were getting space from either. Still, ultimately you are in control of the therapy you want, so I would invite you to take time and define the experience YOU want and need. The therapist is there to help guide you towards fostering those needs.
How about the second word: Right
Only you will be able to define this word for yourself in the context of therapy. If it were up to me, which it is not, I would say the cliché line that therapy is right for everyone. We have all gone through pain. We have all experienced situations in life where it was too much for our systems to handle. We have all survived our environments that, at times, have not been kind to us. I am attempting to communicate that we all have had an environment fail our needs. This concept is critical to therapeutic work because of a sneaky interaction between our sense of self and shame. Let’s rewind to my dreaded math classes when I was little. I had enough to deal with at the time and did not find too much value in making room for fractions or algebra. When test day came, however, I still wanted to do well because I believed that doing well in school was what my environment needed from me. When the teacher handed back out those exams, my exam was handed back to me upside down and folded in half. I know some of you just experienced an internal, uh oh. Looking at the very impressive 46 percent on my exam, I was immediately flooded with dread regarding the response I would get from all parts of my environment at the time. That environment looked like teachers, peers, parents, and who knows who else I included at the time, but I am sure there were more. At that moment, I needed someone to reassure me that this test result was not due to my lack of intelligence. I also had an unspoken need for someone to check in on me to see what was going on that potentially could have resulted in the score I received. Instead, I received an all-too-common response from a quietly disappointed teacher bogged down by an environment that I am sure was failing their needs. That response was, “you’re better than this.” Here comes the trick, what did I do with that comment? Did I say, “you sure are right, teacher, I sure am, and I will do better next time!” Hell no. I shut down and shamefully internalized that I was stupid and was not good enough. Are those things true about me? No. Did I internalize them to survive and navigate my environment? Absolutely. All that to say, we have all had times when our environment failed us when we had a need. We can all benefit from unlearning harsh, harmful, and damaging things and instead take a journey of rediscovery into who we truly are.
My hope for you is that you can internalize a positive message about therapy, rather than one trying to paint you as something negative for even thinking about it. I am inviting some vulnerability into your system as you reflect. “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage are not always comfortable, but they’re never weaknesses.” -Brené Brown.
If you have any additional questions that your local Iowa City Therapist could answer, please let me know, and I will dedicate a crafted post to the said question. I appreciate your curiosity, your work, and your time. Until next time, thank you for stopping by, and I hope you find the therapy that best fits you and your needs. Don't hesitate to contact me if you are looking for a therapist in Iowa City! Take care and be well.
